Stan's World - Lessons Learned While Aging

When you reach a certain age - and it appears I’ve reached it - you watch your friends age with you to various degrees. Some age remarkably well, while others suffer through serious illnesses. Sadly, some even die. Through it all, I’m constantly reminded of the lessons we share with our clients, who are also aging. 

None of us knows what the future might bring, so we should all be prepared for certain unanticipated events. Unfortunately, bad things happen to people of all ages, so not all of these concerns are for seniors only. 

What are a few of the lessons I’ve learned?

1. Everyone should have a will. Who is going to get your money? Who is going to get your valuable possessions? Who do you want to act as your executor to ensure your wishes are fulfilled? If you have young children, who have you chosen (and who has agreed) to be their guardian?

2. Everyone should have a power of attorney. Who do you trust to make decisions about your money if you can’t do so? Who do you trust to sell your home if you can no longer live there? 

3. Everyone should have a health care proxy. Who do you trust to speak to your doctors on your behalf? Who do you trust to ensure the doctors and hospital obey your end-of-life care wishes?   

4. Everyone should have a plan to age in place (if that’s the goal). Can you put a stair-lift in your home? Would a wheelchair fit into your bathroom? What happens if you can’t step over the side of your tub to bathe or shower? Are your doorknobs age-friendly so you can turn them if you lose strength or flexibility in your hands? 

5. Everyone should plan where they might go if they can’t age in place. Why? Because when you must go somewhere, it’s often too late to figure out where you would like to go. If you want to have a say in where you may move at some undetermined time in the future, look at independent living or assisted living communities while you can. 

6. Everyone should have a friend or relative they trust to tell them when they should stop driving. Or stop living alone. Or stop eating alone. Sometimes, we don’t realize how much we’re not seeing until someone we trust points it out. 

7. Everyone should use their rainy-day fund when it starts to rain. If you’ve been fortunate and saved money, there comes a time to use it for your care and needs. Unfortunately, when it starts to rain, it often pours. If your health or mobility is declining, use your savings to make life easier. 

8. Everyone should make their wishes for burial or cremation known to those responsible for carrying out those wishes. What type of service do you want?

It’s difficult to have these types of serious discussions when someone is in pain. Often, they’re not focused or thinking clearly. Planning well in advance allows us to clearly and explicitly spell out our wishes. 

One final suggestion for you to ponder: Write a letter to be placed with your important papers and to be read after you die. If you want to designate specific belongings to individual family members or friends, include those wishes in the letter if they’re not specified in your will. If you want people to understand why you gave money or possessions to one person but not another, say it without being vindictive. A letter is powerful and readily conveys your feelings and thought process behind the decisions you made in your will or your other legal documents. 

If you love your family, the more you can do, the better. Years before my Dad passed, my parents pre-paid for their funeral expenses. When my Mom died, I made one phone call, and everything was taken care of for me. Of course, I couldn’t thank them for making that so easy, but the least I can do is share how well things went because they were so thoughtful.